Sitting under trees on a New York City park bench reminds me of The Zoo Story. While two men from different parts of life relate to the struggles of one another in such a developed society, why do I feel connected to the idea of the unknown creating loneliness? Seeing everyone pass by from all different cultures and backgrounds, I know nothing about each person nor do they know me. Yet, that’s the way we become known to the unknown by placing a persona onto others. It’s easy to be perceived from a single action; people are like traffic lights. We indicate whom we focus on, whom we take a slight glance at, and whom we decide to go away from. 

We blame our inability to fulfill tasks based on our ignorance. By tasks, I mean living for ourselves, carrying on the legacy of our loved ones to either follow or continue on with their ideal work, and being able to deal with the people in our lives. When we fail at those tasks, certain questions arise: who am I and why do I exist, what do I do with my life, and what do people around feel towards me? This is something the majority of people question at least once in their life but feel discontent about because of our lack of exploration and understanding in those tasks. However, I would argue it’s not our full ignorance but rather the shallowness of our individualism. It’s an innate concept of separating our lack of wanting to understand others and our own feelings of living our own lives to the fullest. Being so shallow seems to lack emotion and thought, but it seems to strengthen individual purpose and opportunity. Without it, a person defines their contribution to society and themselves from an open-minded perspective. With these perspectives in mind, the way such tasks are fulfilled changes. To fully answer the question of the factors that impact our individualism, I sit and watch people walk by.

Society affects our individualism because it pertains to not only yourself but people who are unknown as well. In The Souls of Black Folk, W. E. B. Du Bois argues about the actions of the South where individual Black Americans were to never be leaders but rather to be working to give for others, and those who ever strive to be leaders should be backed with the same communities to be effective (Du Bois 62-63). As I watch those who walk by, I think and see those who live for themselves and those who live for others, everyone having different beliefs, thoughts, and feelings that affect the way we perceive ourselves. Watching a white man dressed in a suit wearing designer jewelry creates a feeling of inferiority that either sets thoughts on success or failure. Now I see a similar person, yet the colored lines are less highlighted. Is it not human nature to be utterly selfish? Then why do I feel rather a sense of empowerment from seeing someone from my background succeeding in something. That’s what exists within society, this feeling of being inspired by someone in similarities, to believe that success is real for anyone. Something that Du Bois discusses is this feeling of not being able to rise from seeing success in others because it all seems as if the universe is pulling on the strings of every individual (Du Bois 101-103). It makes sense why we live in a life-sustaining universe because if it did not exist, there would be no one who would wonder why. With that thought, the universe rather acts as a function not of purpose, but a prerequisite. Society lives in a way in which it functions to empower each other but it is the way we perceive each other that makes it difficult to wake up the next morning and challenge our own abilities. 

Now that I’ve gotten up from the bench, I decide to walk in the crowd of people, it feels fast and uneasy as if I was no longer walking. Thich Naht Hanh, a Buddhist monk, describes such a feeling in his writing, How to Walk, making me question how it affects the way I feel about the places I enter. By understanding their history and the way I walk can create an experience that affects who I am as an individual. Walking into Stephen A. Schwarzman Library with the date, 1967, in bright writing for everyone to know, I envision what it used to look like with each step: the people who learned and designed at this place. While seeing all the men, women, and children, I started to question how they would write their experience here. Ultimately, everything I have written in is from a male’s perspective of it all, which is something that Virginia Woolf discusses in A Room of One’s Own with her understanding of everything that is taught in history (Woolf 119-120). Everything I have learned and what I am currently writing creates an image and thought that only I am able to truly understand. Whether it be describing the intricate designs on the ceiling or the statues that have fine details like placing a microscope on a leaf, such descriptions aren’t enough to fully immerse the outside reader. This is because history in the making tries to replicate experience but does so unsuccessfully. 

Since it has been said for centuries from figures such as Winston Churchill, George Santayana, and Edumnd Burke, that those who do not acknowledge history are doomed to repeat, there’s a stigma that history should never be repeated. However, we push people to learn from their mistakes, so why treat history differently? That seems to be the reason why those past experiences never are replicated because we shun history. This shunning of history begs the question: is it possible that this “Truth” told about history isn’t so true? We all want what we have learned to be the truth but what if it truly isn’t? What if something taught for centuries starts crumbling down when a new “truth” arises? That’s what history wants people to be stuck on, to have a confirmed answer on everything so others do not question. 

This attitude affects the way we look at the whole world. For instance, America is known for its dark history, yet there is a strong sense of nationalism that exists that disregards what used to exist. Whether it be for a woman or Black American or any group of individuals who have been oppressed by the American world, there is continuous forgetfulness for those who have suffered. That is how it affects individuals who learn such problems that causes war and terror; to feel that the world is pulling them lower and lower because of a history associated with them. There’s no truth in history, only perspective. All across the world, there are those who believe the truth exists within what they know but we all live with different factors that affect what we believe in. In Japan for example, many do not acknowledge the Nanjing Massacre, the murder of thousands of Chinese citizens, by not including it in their history textbooks. In this case their perspective–or their truth–exists differently from what others believe, whether it be just or unjust. Truth can be told from various sources and can explain a certain idea. However, no one truly understands unless they have lived in it. Now when I walk, I understand that I am in control of history. Although, there are those who may have a different perspective.

A person’s ancestry affects their present day self. Growing up Indo-Guyanese in America causes somewhat of an identity crisis within me. I presume it’s the same for many other immigrants who either come from slave ancestry or immigrants in general. Leaving a place that was once called home to a place where it is no longer. To then live in American society forming new habits and cultures that revolve around the country; in both countries I am asked where I am from. Where do I truly belong if no one knows where I belong? What is my community? The suffering of my ancestors, those tears and anger, make me who I am today. Yet, grasping this suffering is difficult when it’s presented in front of others. In some way shape or form, generational trauma exists within everyone, but it isn’t necessarily addressed or educated upon. Its similar to Virigina Woolf discussing lesbian relationships within literature which was a drastic change from older literature because they were not as direct as others (Woolf 88-89). Dating back to ancient Egyptians for example, two men in a homosexual relationship hid their relationship until death and in the Book of the Dead. It’s clear that in Egyptian culture that such relations discussed on these lovers were deemed wrong. Considering her life in the Victorian era, this change of openness became clear with novels like Dracula that explained men fainting like women at the sight of him. The relation in this is the way change is being distributed, where literature takes on the role to educate where every individual has the choice to learn. Being able to accept your current individual self is made difficult when faced with the fact that in the past others could not accept themselves. This psychological concept continues practices once taught from generations ago to this very day. For example, an atrocious father can place those same habits he knows onto his children, hurting their future children. It can detrimentally impact families and loved ones, but with change generational trauma can all heal. Racial trauma for example, is connected in all this making people of our era wanting to fight for their rights more drastically. By affecting the person, it can cause an intense amount of distress, isolating themselves simply because they did nothing wrong but rather something could have been triggered to make them feel that way. The task of improving or healing generational trauma isn’t easy especially when cultures are involved. Asian culture, for example, is filled with masculinity and emotionless discussion with loved ones. That’s why there’s constant need, especially for American immigrants, for some type of therapeutic experience. Cultural issues such as toxic masculinity, social judgment, and lack of self-awareness prevent people from getting help for generational trauma, ultimately playing a role into why an individual thinks and acts a certain way. With this in mind the word expectation comes in, which our loved ones such as families and friends impact the individual when it comes to learning about who they are currently and whom they become. 

Within families the word expectation means fate. Discussed by Du Bois, African Americans had to come down to the idea of whether their lifestyles were going to be based on representing the African American community or it be their own personal beliefs and thoughts. (Du Bois 3-4) This seems to be the same case today as well. Talking to my peers, there’s a clear consensus that the struggles of our immigrant families whittle down our options. The judgment and comparison with others scares families especially when it comes to status or money. It puts on a pressure that lives forever with some regret if not fulfilling that expectation. This is why I believe families look at it as a fate. When the individual fails to meet what is provided in front of them, they are shunned upon, or if they go into separate routes, they are ridiculed for having their own thoughts. This goes back to the idea if the individual truly lives for themselves or is it for the validation of others? This continuous cycle of questioning if every decision being made is proper seems never ending. With peers it seems as if it’s a race to see who will succeed the highest rather than who will be the happiest. While there are some exceptions, money seems to be the controlling factor of every individual that I see walking. A currency made to dictate value from society but why can’t there be more values obtained? Someone may value saving animals’ lives while another may value their own life making large amounts of money. Who is correct? The people in our lives influence the way we may act or contribute to society when it comes to money. It’s similar to the food chain where we appeal to the wants of others because it is something we all strive for. This factor of placing something that should be wanted into a need affects every individual simply because they want to live like others do. 

That’s why I observe and watch. This shallowness that exists from generational trauma, society, histories perspective on truth, and family and peers, disrupts the continuation of unpacking our individualism. Yet, if we learn more about such factors that stop people from reaching their full potential, this concern can be suppressed. Observing the people of the world is like watching the stars at night, there are millions of unique ones that are looked at: we focus on the constellations that enhance its beauty, envision how bright it is all across the world, and simply look upon what exists now.

Works Cited

Du Bois, W. E. B. (William Edward Burghardt). The Souls of Black Folk. Dover Publications, 1994. First published 1903 by A.C. McClurg and Co.

Woolf, Virginia. A Room of One’s Own. Harcourt Inc, 1989. First published 1929.